I made it in and out of the black hole that is Ikea in record timing: 20 minutes.
0:30- walk in door, grab map.
1:30- stare at map. what section do i want? living room furniture? yes.
2:00- ride escalator up to second floor.
3:30- which couch do i have? the ektorp? okay. wait no, it’s the ektorp loveseat, not the couch. okay. where do i find ektorp loveseat covers?
4:30- oh, here’s the tag that says where i can find this thing.
5:00- repeat. aisle 36, bin 10. repeat. aisle 36, bin 10. aisle 36, bin 10. aisle 36, bin 10. aisle 36, bin 10.
6:00- where’s the “shortcut” to the down escalator?
7:00- screw it, i’ll take the elevator.
8:30- wait, that says aisle 37, and there’s aisle 35… where’s aisle 36??
9:00- oh, the even numbered ones are on the other side of the store.
10:30- bin 10. bin 10. bin 10. bin 10. bin 10….
11:30- ektorp loveseat cover. red. wait, am i sure this is ektorp? and the loveseat, not the couch?
12:00- self-checkout. oooh, deck furniture and candles! no. self-checkout. i don’t need any other crap.
12:30- oh, this isn’t a checkout line. this is just a mass of people standing by the big bins of sale items. damn.
13:00- self-checkout line.
13:30- i’m really sure this is the right cover?
15:00- i should check one more time. this is the ektorp loveseat cover, red. i’m not coming back here.
16:30- ooh, chocolate bars.
17:00- no, i don’t need chocolate.
18:00- how do i get the scanner thing to read the barcode??
18:30- select number of bags…? no. no bags.
19:00- swipe. sign.
19:30- receipt printing.
20:00- i’m really really sure this is the right item…? oh look, i parked right in front of the exit. how handy.