Facebook “Friends”

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.

Yes, I have a Facebook account. Yes, I regularly update my stupid little “status message” in an attempt to be witty or whatever about what I’m “currently doing.” (obviously, I’m procrastinating by updating my status message!) I even have pictures and stuff on my profile, and try to be clever about my “Interests” and “Activities”. I admit all this.

Recently, I received two “Facebook messages” from ex-boyfriends that I had not spoken to in THREE years. Three. Years. They both stopped talking to me within months of each other: the first because I started dating boy Number Two, and boy Number Two after he stood me up at an airport in Guatemala. Oh, irony.

So the first one: we’re “Facebook Friends” from long before he stopped talking to me (yes, I’ve had my account that long). He wants to be ‘real’ friends again, which is cool by me because we were pretty good friends even after we broke up. I respond and tell him how I’m doing and promise to call when I’m in Chicago again.

The second one “wants to get back in touch.” How precious. I respond with a short message saying “yeah, I’m great, how are you?” Now he can read my profile (I have it blocked to non-friends otherwise). No response. Seriously. WTF? Why go to the trouble of looking me up on Facebook, and then messaging me, if he has no plans to reply? Lame-o.

Even funnier is that, since I replied to his initial message, he has updated his profile several times to include “cooler” profile pictures and some crap about working as a photographer for an Environmental Anthropology research project in Guatemala. Uh huh. Sure.

But all of that is beside the point.

Both of these fine gentlemen have my email address. It has been the same for FIVE years (I think that’s a record or something, seriously). Why not just email me??

And then get this! I was clicking around on other friends’ profiles, and saw that another friend had been writing on this one guy’s wall. So I check out his profile to see what he’s been up to– and find that he’s no longer my Facebook Friend! He un-friended me!

We went to high school and college together! We were the only two people from our high school at Michigan! I let him “sublet” my apartment for free the summer I worked in Seattle. FREE! (And he trashed it and destroyed my non-stick pan). I have Facebook “Friends” that I haven’t spoken to in more than a decade! And he un-Facebook Friends me? Super lame-o.

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