insomnia cookies: decidedly less-good the next morning

Last night, I was sitting and reading with a mug of (herbal) tea after a very healthy dinner of brown rice, pinto beans, sautéed turnip greens and spinach with onion, garlic, lemon, and ginger. Like I said, very healthy– and it even had a complete protein with the combination of the rice and beans. Booya.

And then I had a cookie craving. But not even a ‘craving’, really… it was just a vague desire to have a cookie, coupled with boredom.

I remembered receiving a promotional, warm double-chocolate chunk cookie on the Diag on Thursday from a company calling themselves “Insomnia Cookies,” and promising “Warm cookies delivered late night.” It wasn’t exactly “late night” yet (7:45-ish), but their website was accepting orders and promising deliveries to your home after 8 pm. Plus, I had a coupon for three free cookies with any web order. Sweet!

I entered a perfectly reasonable order for two 90-cent double-chocolate chunk cookies. I received an error message alerting me that the minimum internet order was $6.00. Alright… fine. 7 cookies.

Well, gosh, if I’m ordering 7 cookies anyway, I might as well take advantage of their Deal of the Day– three more free cookies with the order of a dozen cookies. That would end up being six free cookies! Plus the dozen, on which I’d receive a discount– delivered right to my door!

I should mention at this point that I was home alone, except for my cats, who I do not allow to eat cookies.

I called a friend and left a message to tell him that I would soon be in possession of 18 delicious, warm cookies, and that he and his roommate should help me consume them. I never received a reply.

Around 8:15 I got a phone call. “Hi, this is Insomnia Cookies calling. I wanted to let you know that your address is outside of our delivery range. We only deliver to campus addresses. So… we already made your order. If you come pick it up, we’ll give you three free cookies!”

Three more free cookies?! Clearly, canceling the order at this point was not an option. I told the very nice-sounding girl that I’d be there in about 15 minutes– my car had to warm up.

That is how, at 9 pm, I ended up with 21 warm cookies sitting on the front seat of my car. No, I did not eat them all on the spot. I ate the three free ones they threw in at the last minute.

Then I felt sick.

I got home and drank two mugs of “detox tea,” which fooled my stomach (and brain) into thinking I felt better. Then I ate two more cookies. And then one more after that.

I fell asleep on the couch, reading, at about 10 pm, which makes me wonder what exactly is in insomnia cookies. Perhaps they offer a cure for insomnia??

Anyway, I went to bed feeling like crap around 11 pm, but not before leaving a note begging my roommate to eat the rest of the cookies.

I woke up and they were still there. Dammit.

Overnight, the cookies cooled off and became hard and crunchy. Ick. 20 seconds in the microwave made them warm and soft again, but they are definitely less-good after 12 hours.

There are currently 13 cookies left sitting on my kitchen counter. 10 double-chocolate chunk, 1 sugar, 1 oatmeal raisin, and 1 peanut butter. If anyone would like them, they’re all yours.

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1 Response to “insomnia cookies: decidedly less-good the next morning”


  1. 1 Timbre March 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    I got home and drank two mugs of “detox tea,” which fooled my stomach (and brain) into thinking I felt better. Then I ate two more cookies. And then one more.

    I laughed out LOUD! Too hilarious, don’t we all do that? Thanks for the laugh.


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